When I entered the office I was reminded that my last time here was the catalyst for Dima's adoption. That was the day I was told that I was pregnant, only to find out a few hours later that the pregnancy was not in fact a pregnancy.
My heart beat quickly as I walked up the stairs and into the familiar waiting room of the doctors office. Many a tear had been shed in that room; many hopeful moments of wondering if this will work; many bonding moments of seeing the same women in the office morning after morning for blood tests; many times of sharing in the joy with other "success stories". And so there I sat, 3 years later in that same waiting room. Though the wallpaper was the same, the receptionist was the same, the books laid out to read were the same, much had changed in my heart and life.
Finally I was called back into the doctors office. The doctor remembered me and we small talked a little about how life has been the past three years. I shared with him about our amazing son. I always have to smile when I talk about Dima. He has brought more joy into my life than I ever could have imagined.
But my smile was met with a curious look of frustration on the doctor's face. In an arrogant tone, he said to me, "so you gave up trying to have a child of your own?"
I sat in silence. I'm sure my face went white with trying to hold back either tears or a very angered response. I quietly said, "He is my own. Dima is my own." In that moment I could think of nothing else to say other than repeating the truth that was so real in my heart.
Thankfully our time was coming to a close anyway. I paid at the front desk and the receptionist asked if I wanted to schedule my follow up appointment. "No thank you. I am finished here."
As I drove home, tears streamed down my face. I furiously prayed for our son that he would never, never feel like he is in our family because we "gave up". And in that moment, it was confirmed in my heart that adoption is absolutely the next step for our family. I fully believe God has a daughter for us and though she may not come into our home in a biological way, she will be no less our own.
Over the past few months, I have continued to think about this comment from the doctor and my heart was led to verse after verse in the Bible about how God has called us "His own", how we are adopted in His family.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are". ~1 John 3:1
To be called the "Children of God" is more than just having a title, it is an identity. Our son is not just CALLED our son...He IS our son. He is our own.
May he always believe that in his core. And as we wait for our daughter, my prayer is that even now at this very young age, God would be supernaturally placing this truth into her heart. May neither of our children ever feel that they were second best, but that before they even came into this world, God had a plan for their lives...a plan that may not be traditional, but a plan that is very close to the heart of God.
- waiting :)
- A few friends are planning a big fundraiser that we are calling "Passport to Always" on November 10th from noon-3. There will be something for everyone - a huge cornhole tournament, many unique vendors selling a huge variety of gifts, services and items, fun for the kids and food. Put it on your calendar and more information will be available soon!
- Pray for our little girl: that she would be held and loved and treated uniquely
- Pray for continued finances as we prepare for travel costs and a large international fee that will be due on our first trip
- Pray for wisdom as our family's documents move across the desks of Russian officials. Pray that they will find favor in us and place us with the daughter God has for us.
Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve & Dima.