Our Own

About a year ago, Steve and I began to feel a stirring to increase our family. Before deciding to begin another adoption process, we made a visit to the reproductive endocrinologist. Though adoption was heavy on our hearts, I wanted to assess where my body was before we made the final decision. I have never been given a diagnosis of "there is a 100% chance you will never get pregnant", so there was always a lingering possibility of "maybe this month".

When I entered the office I was reminded that my last time here was the catalyst for Dima's adoption. That was the day I was told that I was pregnant, only to find out a few hours later that the pregnancy was not in fact a pregnancy.

My heart beat quickly as I walked up the stairs and into the familiar waiting room of the doctors office. Many a tear had been shed in that room; many hopeful moments of wondering if this will work; many bonding moments of seeing the same women in the office morning after morning for blood tests; many times of sharing in the joy with other "success stories". And so there I sat, 3 years later in that same waiting room. Though the wallpaper was the same, the receptionist was the same, the books laid out to read were the same, much had changed in my heart and life.

Finally I was called back into the doctors office. The doctor remembered me and we small talked a little about how life has been the past three years. I shared with him about our amazing son. I always have to smile when I talk about Dima. He has brought more joy into my life than I ever could have imagined.

But my smile was met with a curious look of frustration on the doctor's face. In an arrogant tone, he said to me, "so you gave up trying to have a child of your own?"

I sat in silence. I'm sure my face went white with trying to hold back either tears or a very angered response. I quietly said, "He is my own. Dima is my own." In that moment I could think of nothing else to say other than repeating the truth that was so real in my heart.

Thankfully our time was coming to a close anyway. I paid at the front desk and the receptionist asked if I wanted to schedule my follow up appointment. "No thank you. I am finished here."

As I drove home, tears streamed down my face. I furiously prayed for our son that he would never, never feel like he is in our family because we "gave up". And in that moment, it was confirmed in my heart that adoption is absolutely the next step for our family. I fully believe God has a daughter for us and though she may not come into our home in a biological way, she will be no less our own.

Over the past few months, I have continued to think about this comment from the doctor and my heart was led to verse after verse in the Bible about how God has called us "His own", how we are adopted in His family.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are".  ~1 John 3:1

To be called the "Children of God" is more than just having a title, it is an identity. Our son is not just CALLED our son...He IS our son. He is our own.

May he always believe that in his core. And as we wait for our daughter, my prayer is that even now at this very young age, God would be supernaturally placing this truth into her heart. May neither of our children ever feel that they were second best, but that before they even came into this world, God had a plan for their lives...a plan that may not be traditional, but a plan that is very close to the heart of God.

UPDATES:

• waiting :) 
• A few friends are planning a big fundraiser that we are calling "Passport to Always" on November 10th from noon-3. There will be something for everyone - a huge cornhole tournament,  many unique vendors selling a huge variety of gifts, services and items, fun for the kids and food. Put it on your calendar and more information will be available soon!

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• Pray for our little girl: that she would be held and loved and treated uniquely
• Pray for continued finances as we prepare for travel costs and a large international fee that will be due on our first trip
• Pray for wisdom as our family's documents move across the desks of Russian officials. Pray that they will find favor in us and place us with the daughter God has for us. 

Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve & Dima.

Into the Waiting

This past week, we accomplished a pretty big milestone. We completed our dossier, which is the initial file of documents sent to Russia requesting the adoption of our little girl. Along with this, we also completed 100 documents that have been sent to 4 specific regions in Russia, to request a child. All that to say, we are "officially" on the waiting list.

So, what does this mean? It means that all of the running around and making appointments grinds to a halt. Now we settle in for one of the toughest parts of the journey...the waiting. This is the day after day, week after week, month after month nothingness.

Even though the paperwork phase of this adoption is tedious, it does help us feel like we are doing something to speed the process along. For the next few months, there will be no paperwork to keep us busy and our answer to "how is the adoption going" is going to be the same..."good, just waiting."
We have no idea when we will get a referral, or from what region, or how old she will be. Now we just sit and wait and trust, and wait and trust, and wait and trust.

In many ways, this is a very lonely and helpless leg of the journey. We are in the waiting room. We dream and wonder and think about what this little girl may look like or what her personality is going to be, but we don't know. And no amount of dreaming or wondering or worrying will bring a referral any faster. Which is difficult for a "do-er" like me.

Life goes on as normal for all of us. It is in these months where we desperately need community and encouragement. God has already given us so much of this already and it has been such an incredible blessing to our hearts as we are reminded of those who are walking this road with us.

Every night we pray and thank God for all He has given us and how He has continued to provide for this adoption. We are continually blown away by His provision. Almost daily we receive a check in the mailbox. We go to our paypal account and find that money has been placed there by strangers.

God shows Himself through people who offer financial provision. He also shows Himself through people who offer encouragement. This past Sunday, I was walking through our church when a sweet friend handed me a wrapped gift. In it was this beautiful print...a reminder of Dima and a hope for our daughter...

My eyes welled up with tears as we hugged. I was once again reminded of how important it is to walk this journey with community. Not just for finances, though we are so grateful for that. But, just as important - the emotional encouragement that comes with a gift like this - that reminds us that there are people praying for us and walking with us, encouraging us all along the way. 

And above all, God shows Himself in the ways that He is affecting people's hearts and lives through this story. Just this morning, I received a message from a friend who is a mom of one of our students who helps out in Dima's 5 year old class at church. She said that her daughter was so encouraged on Sunday because Dima prayed in class thanking God "for giving mommy and daddy money to go get my little sister." (this was just before he got in trouble for giving a boy a bear hug that turned into a wrestle take-down :)).

What a beautiful reminder that this time around, God is using our  son to encourage the hearts of his teachers and stir curiosity in the hearts of his classmates.

We believe God has much to teach us through this next season of waiting. We don't want it to just be a time we get through, but our prayer is that our eyes will be open to lessons God is teaching us even in what seems like silence.

God, the Great Orchestrator, is working behind the scenes. He is connecting the story of a little girl in Russia with our story. He is working in our lives by using many people to remind us that He knows what we need. He is working in our hearts by using others to encourage and bless our lives. Thank you for being a part of this story with us. Thank you for responding to the promptings to pray and encourage and suppport us along the way. As you do this, please know you are a tangible fingerprint of God's work in our lives!

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• For God to continue to meet our financial needs. (And just an FYI - we are furiously trying to stay up to date on thank you cards. So please be patient with us. It is definitely an awesome problem to have, but just know we ARE working on them!)
• For our hearts during the waiting. 
• That our little girl's caretakers making her feel loved - treating her EXTRA special. I even pray that somehow someone is sneaking her EXTRA food and EXTRA hugs

Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve, & Dima.

How do they know?

"Mommy, Johnny* told me in the bathroom today that he knew where I was born. He said I was born in Russia. He said I needed a new mommy. How did he know where I was born?"

These were the questions Dima asked me as he looked intently into my eyes through our rear view mirror on the way home from kindergarten. He wanted answers from his mom.

I took a deep breath. This was not the conversation I was planning on having that day. Instead of talking about playground games and music class, we were talking about the roots of his life, a life with many unanswered questions. These questions needed delicate answers for the ever developing mind of a five year old.

"Well, buddy. You were born in Russia. Johnny was right. You know that. We love Russia because it is the place where you were born."

"But how did he know?"

"Well, his mommy probably told him."

"How did his mommy know?"

"Well, you know how we love to tell people about how we are adopting a sister from Russia? We also tell a lot of people about how you were born in Russia. We are so proud of you and we think God has written an awesome story in our life. This is OUR family's story. It's special. We want to tell people, do you?"

"Yeah. Maybe he was born in Russia, too".

"Maybe, you should ask him. There are other kids in your class born in other countries too. Maybe you could ask your teacher to find a map and you can all point to where you were born."

"So, did I need a new mommy?"

"Well, I don't know if that's how I would say it. God always knew that I was going to be your mommy. Even though you weren't born in my tummy, God was preparing you in Ana's* tummy to be my son. And you will always be my son. Always."

"You wanna hear a joke...."

And then we went on to laugh about jokes and playground games and music time.

This story of ours is a public one. Sometimes I wonder if it's too public. Sometimes I wonder if the public nature of our story will one day be tough on our children.

But, I am a proud mama. I am proud of my son. I am proud of our story. I am proud of our daughter's life and how God has created her to be our daughter, even in her birth mother's womb.

My prayer is that God would give us the words to instill confidence in our children's lives. I pray that they would be proud of their story. I pray that they would not become bitter with the fact that people ask them questions, much more than any one else. My prayer is that they would see their story as exciting, adventurous, set apart, and special, not different, not isolating.

I often wonder if it is wrong of us to be so public in the sharing of our family story. But then my heart is always drawn back those precious moments when we arrived home with Dima for the first time.

After a LONG flight overseas, weary and worn from the travel, we stepped on to the escalator in the Cleveland airport. All of the sudden we heard cheers of "Dima! Dima! Dima!" Then we were met with lines and lines of people holding signs and gifts, offering hugs and smiles. It brings tears to my eyes (even as I write this) to go back to those moments of love and support from our community.

This same community walked with us through a two year journey of bringing our little boy home. There were tears in every eye when they saw Dima, because they anticipated his arrival as much as we did.

And we have this forever documented as a way to say to our son, "Look at ALL of the people who were so excited to finally have you home. Look at ALL of the people who love you already. Even before they knew you. Look at them all."

This is our prayer for our daughter too. We pray that she will know that there are hundreds and hundreds of people praying, giving, and working towards bringing her home. And one day soon, she will get to experience that same celebration. If I knew her name, I would be cheering it now.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with us. Though there are times that the public nature of our family's journey feels painful and scary, we also know that we could not do this without you. The prayers and encouragement, love and support that we have received as a result of you coming alongside us has been completely overwhelming. And if we kept this journey so private, we would have missed out on the blessings you have been to us!

*names have been changed for privacy

UPDATES:

• The next set of documents we are working through are formal requests to adopt in specific regions in Russia. Once these are completed, the "paper chase" portion of our process is over.
• We are continuing to receive checks in our mailbox on an almost daily basis. Thank you! Thank you!

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• We are praying even more intently for our little girl. That she would be loved and cared for. That she would be a "favorite" in the orphanage.
• We are praying for wisdom for our agency as they are placing our referral requests into a few different regions. Pray that God would direct them to the perfect little girl for our family.

Until next Monday, love, Kate, Steve & Dima.

Too Much

"Well, Kate. We were hoping for 50 people, but we have 150 people coming to the fundraiser on Saturday." 

This was the conversation I had last Friday with my precious friend, Romina. As I mentioned in last week's blog, Romina is a woman who began following our story on our blog during our first adoption. She and her family live in the San Diego area. While we were nearing the end of our adoption of Dima, they were beginning theirs. Our hearts are forever tied by our adopted Russian boys.

When she found out we were adopting again, she and her family began dreaming of ways they could help us raise the money we needed. They decided on throwing a big pizza party for friends and family, with the proceeds going toward our adoption. Now, when I think pizza party, I think... "order a few Little Ceasar's pizzas and throw some Cokes out on the table." This is not the pizza party they had in mind.

We skyped on Friday, the night before the event, and "met" face to face for the first time. She and her sweet daughters showed me all around their property. Romina had spent all day making home made pizza dough and pizza sauce that was going to be cooked in their outdoor ovens. They hired 2 chefs from California Pizza Kitchen to toss and bake the pizzas for the evening. On their property, they have a choo choo train and a go kart track. This was no ordinary pizza party...this was a full scale family EVENT - packed with great food and fun activities for all.

On the night of the event, Romina had me skype in, then set her computer (with me on it) on a table filled with pictures of our family. As people came up to the table, I was able to talk and "meet" many of those who were coming to the event. I tried not to scare people because most people didn't know I was actually "live". They would come up and look at the pictures and I would try to wave a little to get their attention to say hi. It was actually quite entertaining. It was so fun to get to see faces of these people who I will never meet, but people who generously supported our adoption through this event. Many encouraged us and sent their blessings to us for our journey.

The next day I got to hear all of the amazing details of the evening. I can't even describe the amount of work that she, her husband, her family and her friends put into making this evening an over the top success. They thought of every little detail. From rewiring the sound system, to having their children be waiters and waitresses, to purchasing portable air conditioning units since the evening was unusually hot. As she shared with me about the event, I just began to weep. "How can we accept this? Why would someone do something like this for us? This is just too much. Too much." She beamed with excitement as she told me all about it and I was just overwhelmed with the graciousness and generosity of this family. 

About 12 of the kids served the tables. They took orders and brought the food out to the attenders. At the end of the night, they each had a collection of tips that had been given to them. They asked, "Romina, what should we do with these." Romina, who said to me that she never wants to force generosity, told them, "You have worked hard for these tips, and you offered your services for free. You can keep these tips for yourself as a thank you." 

One of the kids said, "can we give them to the Garcia's?" 

"Yes, you may.." she said, "but you do not have to. You deserve this money." And one by one, each of these kids placed their hard earned tip money into the donation jar. One boy in particular had received quite a large amount of money in tips. He thought for a while and then placed the money into the donation jar. Wow. Could there be a more beautiful picture of generosity? 

There is story after story of kindness that are too many to even share - and some I probably will never even know. 

By the end of the evening, they counted all of the money and were so blown away to tell me that  they received $7,000!! Unbelievable. God, again in His goodness, went above and beyond all of our hopes, dreams, and expectations. He used a hard working, generous family whom we have never met to bless our lives.

When I wrote Romina and told her how I couldn't believe she would do this for us, she responded in this way,

"Kate, remember....I did not "meet" Michael (my adopted son) before I decided to make a difference on his life. The value of a person does not go up or down depending if we personally met them or not. We are all God's children that need help and redemption!"

What a beautiful reminder of how to live and love others.

And though everything in me wanted to say, "no, Romina! I can't accept this. This is too much money. You guys did too much work...I just can't.." I was reminded of God's love for us. 

What if we responded to His gift of salvation to us in this way, "No Lord...this is too much. I can't accept this. Your death on the cross for our sins is just too much." It would be offensive to God to not accept His gift, though the cost was unimaginable. 

His heart is gladdened by our reception of His gift. This is the tangible picture of grace my dear friend Romina showed me. As we skyped on Sunday afternoon, she was exhausted, but more than that, she was filled with joy and excitement to be able to offer such a gift to us.

So, we accept this amazing gift with humility and we rejoice in God's goodness to us and His generosity through amazing people, like my friend Romina.

P.S. Here are some pictures of the evening. As you look at them, imagine the bustling noises of people, train whistles, go kart engines and party music :)

the night's menu

chef Romina

the waitresses

fun on the go karts



train rides!

UPDATES:

• We are hoping to have all of our documents for our dossier in our hands on Thursday of this week (that's what FedEx says). Then, we will mail it to our agency and hopefully be officially registered. From there we will know what region we are assigned to and then have more region-specific paperwork to complete.

• Including this latest fundraiser, we have received close to $23,000 in donations. We have begun applying for grants now that our home study is complete and look forward to God continuing to meet our needs.

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• We pray for our little girl - that God would begin to prepare her heart for us and us for her.

• We pray for wisdom as our agency works with the facilitators in Russia to determine what region we will be assigned.

Thank you for following along with us. We hope you are encouraged to see the amazing things God is doing through people. We are!

Until next Monday, love, Kate, Steve & Dima.

Goodbye, Orphanage

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever run out of things to write about on this blog. But it seems like every week, things happen and my mind and heart are blown and God reminds me about Himself: "I am living and active".

The past few days I have been reminded of the truth that our journey of international adoption is far bigger than just the expansion of our family. The story God is writing in our family through adoption is joining hearts and changing lives beyond our dreams and expectations.

This past weekend, I helped lead worship at a huge retreat with hundreds of teenagers from our church. We went to an indoor water park called Kalahari. It was an awesome time of going down slides, swimming in a wave pool, and just getting away with the students. Dima had a blast. Of course, he rode every slide he was tall enough to go on (the darker and scarier the better).

The theme of the retreat was family, and on Saturday night Steve spoke on what it meant to be adopted into God's family. He shared pieces of our personal adoption journey with Dima, showing many video clips along the way.

One of the clips he showed was the one when we first met our son. When Dima walked into the room and met us for the first time, you could see the looks of fear and curiosity all across his sweet, little face. We were strangers to him. Though we already knew him, he did not know us. Though we already loved him, he did not love us. We were foreign to him.

This is such a picture of God and His love for us. Before we knew Him, He knew us. Before we loved Him, He loved us. Though He was foreign to us, we were never foreign to Him. He reached out His hand and invited us to be adopted into His family.

Steve went on to show videos of Dima now. There is such a difference. Now the looks on his face are looks of joy and love. What was the difference between the first video of Dima meeting us and the one of him years later in our home? Adoption.

Steve so beautifully spoke these words, "The ultimate expression of God's affection is adoption." Adoption transformed a lonely orphan into a loved child. Adoption transformed fear into security. Adoption transformed pain into joy. This was true in Dima's physical life. This is true in our spiritual lives when we respond to God's invitation to be adopted.

It was an incredible evening as were challenged to believe that there is absolutely nothing that can separate us from God's love. Once we are His child, there is no turning back. To quote our Russian host and dear friend Ludmilla, "Goodbye, Orphanage".

At the end of the session, Steve asked the students if there were any in the room that desired to take the step and reach out to God's outstretched hand of invitation to join His family...hands all across the room went up in response. We are all in need of adoption.

Afterwards there were a few students who came up to me and shared their stories of adoption. Would you believe that in this one room that night - EIGHT students were adopted from Russia? How incredible is that?

I had multiple conversations with different students who were so excited to have a connection with someone who had experienced their beginnings. They proudly talked about the region where they were born and some shared of their memories they still carry. Some of these memories were painful. I hugged them each and told them how loved they were, that they mattered, and that they were visible pictures for us all of God's ultimate affection through their adoption story.

When we came home, I received an email from my friend Romina. Romina is a woman I have never met face to face, but God joined our hearts through our adoption journeys. When we were in the process of adopting Dima, she stumbled across our blog, contacted me, and shared her story.

At the time, she was in the beginning stages of adopting a child from Russia as well. She and her family live in California and they sensed a strong stirring to be a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless. So we stayed connected and had the joy of following each other's adoption journey. We shared in each other's joys and pains, and have developed a sweet relationship, though we have never actually met.

So this morning I opened my email and received a message from Romina. She told me that a few weeks ago she and her family spent an entire day baking and selling cookies to raise money for our adoption!

Above that, she has planned a big event at her house on September 15th where they have invited everyone they know to come to their outdoor kitchen for pizza and desserts. There will be go-kart rides and train rides all intended to raise money for our adoption. Our adoption! So for all of our friends in the San Diego area, if you want to be a part of this let me know!

This dear woman is someone who has never met me or our family, but still feels compelled to be a part of our adoption story since her own heart is stirred for the orphans of the world.

Between this email from Romina and the stories of this past weekend, I have been reminded that our adoption story is much bigger than just our family. It is not just about us getting a child. It is a story about what God is doing in people everywhere, and how adoption is an example of the deep affection our Heavenly Father has for His children.

UPDATES:

• We are almost completely done with our dossier. We are hoping there are no errors in any of our paperwork. From here, we are just waiting on U.S. Immigration to contact us to get fingerprinted. Then we are done..for now. 
• We learned that this week we may hear which region of Russia our little girl is from. Exciting!

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• We are praying for wisdom as they decide where our case will be best received...that God would direct them to perfect region for us. Thank you for praying with us!
• Please continue to pray for our little girl. As we watched the video this past weekend, I was reminded again to pray for her RIGHT NOW. That God would be preparing her heart for us and ours for her. That God would already begin to connect our hearts in a way we can't understand.

Thank you for being a part of this story. Thank you for your support, your prayers and your generosity. And for the teenagers at our church - thank you loving our son. The way you treat him is so beautiful. I stood in the middle of the convention center on Sunday and watched a group of 6th grade boys pushing Dima around on a chair mover cart. The entire ride he had a huge smile on his face. Thank you. I love that he has so many awesome "big guys" that he gets to look up to as he grows up.

Until next Monday, love, Kate, Steve & Dima.

Easier or Harder?

Over the last couple of months, many people have asked us, "Is the adoption easier or harder this time around?" 

I say in many ways it is easier. Words like "dossier" and "apostille" are not big, scary words any more. This time, I'm not afraid to walk in the summit county jail to get fingerprinted. I know right where to go and what to do. The paperwork (though still massive) is not as overwhelming. 

I'm on a first name basis with the summit county clerk of courts as well as the woman who works at our local post office. In fact, she remembers me from the last adoption and I remember her. We exchange pictures and stories of our children as she helps me figure out how send documents that need to go to to Cleveland, then to Columbus, and back again to Akron. I know these things can be done because we've done it before.

My expectations this time around are more balanced.  I'm not in a hurry to pick out paint colors for a nursery. I don't have a grand expectation that we'll get a referral by Christmas. I know the timeline on documents now and know that not everything needs to be rushed. My expectations are set for the long haul. 

Our first adoption took much longer than we were originally told. Those long months of waiting were excruciating, but as I look back, I cannot begin to imagine it being any different. If we had gotten a quicker referral, it would not have been Dima. And I am absolutely convinced Dima was made to be our child. The waiting this time around is still going to be frustrating at times, but I know it can be done because we've done it before.

But, here's what else I have done before, I have walked the halls of a Russian orphanage. 

I have seen the faces of children that will forever be etched in my memory. 

I have held my son for 4 days, then had to say goodbye for 4 months. 

The first time around, I didn't know what these experiences would be like. I didn't know what incredible joy I would feel when I got to hold my son in my arms and see his first smile. 

I didn't know what incredible pain I would feel when that final knock on the door came, and I had to watch my son get taken back to his reality, while I sat on the floor of a quiet room experiencing the shock of goodbye. 

Since I've experienced these things I now have a context to draw from. This makes things MUCH HARDER the second time around.

I believe that my daughter is born already, based on the timeline of our adoption process. And so this time around, I grieve now for the time I am missing out on now with my little girl. I close my eyes and see the inside of the orphanage. I smell the food and wonder, "is anyone feeding her? or is she doing it herself?" 

I close my eyes and see the bathroom and wonder, "Is anyone doing a happy dance for her when she goes in the potty?"  

I close my eyes and see the beds lined up and wonder, "is anyone singing to her? Who sleeps beside her? Do the kids comfort each other through the night when they get scared?"

I have seen the inside of an orphanage before, and though Dima's caretakers truly worked hard to provide the best possible situation for him and the other children, nothing can replace a family. 

So, this second time around the day to day busyness of the adoption process does not bring me to the frustration points that it brought me to the first time. I am expecting to do and redo paperwork. I am expecting countless fingerprinting, medical appointments, and countless trips to the post office. 

Then there are the nights where my heart feels like it might shatter over the thought of this little girl who God has chosen to be our daughter. I wonder what she is doing and who is loving her. In those moments, I am reminded of a God whose love transcends borders and oceans; a God whose love for children, especially orphans, is stronger than mine; a God who can take the longing prayers of a mother's heart and work in the life of her daughter - no matter how far away she is.

And one other thing I remember...we cannot do this on our own! So thank you for asking us questions about our adoption. Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for joining us in our journey. We need your prayers, your encouragement, and your support.

Until next Monday, love, Kate, Steve and Dima.

All Day, Every Day

This past Friday afternoon, we had an appointment at Dima's school. It was a day to meet his teacher, drop off his school supplies, see his classroom, and get his hearing & vision tested.

On the way there, I tried to talk him up. "Aren't you excited?"
"No. Not really." He said.
"Well, I think you are going to love it. You love exploring and meeting new friends." Silence.

So, we walked in to the classroom. He completely avoided the teacher at all costs and went straight to the floor and started playing with blocks. This is so unlike him. Then he was ushered out of the classroom by the school director to do his screening. When he returned the director said all he could talk about was his mommy. She would ask a question and he would say, "I love my mommy."

Then it was time for the nurse. "Why are there nurses here?" he asked.
"They are here to test your vision and hearing, like at the doctors office, buddy."
Still silence as he reluctantly went back with the nurse.

Again, when he returned, the nurse said all he could talk about was me. This is so strange. I mean, I know he loves me and I think it's sweet that he can't stop talking about me, but it is a bit out of character for him.

When I told him it was time to go, his eyes lit up and he hopped in the car.
"Mommy.." he said. "Where was my bed?"
"Your bed? For what?"
"To sleep in at night."
"Honey, you aren't sleeping at school."
"But, you said I'd be going all day, every day."

My heart dropped. My sweet, little boy thought that I was dropping him off...for good. I battled the tears so as to not make a big deal out of the conversation. I wanted him to see confidence and boldness in my response.

I went on to explain that "all day, every day" is an expression used in "school lingo" to mean that it wasn't just a half day like his pre-school. And "every day" means Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Friday. It doesn't ever include the weekends.

It is times like these that I am reminded of my son's past. Most kids do not come out of a context where there is even a possibility of ever being left anywhere. But in his little heart, it seems that there is still a glimmer of a former life. Perhaps remaining is a little fear that if he was dropped off for good somewhere once in his life, who's to say he won't be dropped off again?

We spent the entire weekend talking about time and the schedule of school. We put together dinner menus for the week and talked about what would be in the car waiting for him EVERY day after school so that he would know that every day he would come home. "The sun will still be shining and daddy won't even be home from work yet."

This morning Dima went to school for the first day of kindergarten. He was a different boy today than he was just three days ago. He walked into school smiling, having a confidence that we were coming back to pick him up THAT SAME day. A visible peace was over him. Never again will he ever be dropped off for good.

As I have been pondering and praying through this interaction for the past few days, I have been  reminded of the love God has lavished on me.

Never will I  leave you or forsake you.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
~John 14:18

These are God's words to ME. Promises to ME.
And how quickly I revert to fear and abandonment when I am put in a scary or uncomfortable situation.
How quickly I assume that God must be "dropping me off for good."
"Where's my bed?" I wonder. Because surely He isn't coming back.

And now I understand a little of God's loving heart towards me.

"Of course I am here, sweet child. I will never leave you. Your name is written on my hand and nothing can separate you from My love. No matter how scared you are. No matter how much it seems I am not there. You are MINE. I have adopted you as my child, my sweet daughter."

With this mindset, I can face the trials and uncertainties of life with confidence and peace in my heart. I may be nervous about the unknown, but never have to fear abandonment.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged; for the Lord YOUR God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

And it reminds me of our sweet precious daughter. Some day she will enter into our family...all day, every day. For good.

FINANCIAL UPDATES:

1) This is a fun story :) 

A few weeks ago, we walked into the room where our high schoolers meet on Sunday mornings and as I looked around, I realized that many of them were wearing the same shirts. "That's weird" I thought. But then I saw a girl turn around and the back of the shirt said, "TEAM GARCIA". What?? One of our students, Renee came up to me, smiling.

"What in the world??" I was laughing and smiling in disbelief. For the last month or so, she had secretly been designing and ordering T-shirts to raise money for our adoption. And she already sold quite a few to other students via facebook, and had them all wearing the shirts that morning. It was such an awesome sight to see a group of high school students jumping on board and being a part of "Team Garcia". They are SOO cute and we are over the top blessed and thankful.  So, we invite you too to be a part of "Team Garcia"!

• She is taking orders from now until September 15th. 
• The t-shirts are $16 each and if she needs to ship them to you, it will be $18 each. 
• You can place your order by emailing Renee: rbshaffer@yahoo.com
• (The t-shirts run a little large, so keep that in mind as you order).   
• $10 of each shirt bought goes directly to our adoption account!

Once she gets your request, she will submit a bulk order to the t-shirt company on September 15th and they should arrive in 2 weeks.

I am just continually amazed at who God uses to help bring our little girl home...like a high school student with a vision bigger than herself, who acted on that vision to bless our lives. I am very, very proud of these high school students and how their hearts are motivated towards action. If you ever want to see a group of passionate people who DO things with their faith, check out the high school students at the Chapel. So inspiring!!

2) People are asking where we are with our finances and where we need to be.

At this point, as a result of donations through this blog, personal gifts, two huge fundraisers, and the indiegogo campaign, we are at $14,478. So, so awesome!!!

• We have used about $6,000 of that money for our home study and agency fees.
• The next big chunk of money is due once our dossier is completed (which should be in the next couple of weeks). 
• This money is used on translation costs and agency facilitator fees. The total is: $8000. 

Once that is turned in, we will have a few costs here and there, but mostly we will be raising money for our international and travel fees. Those are the big ones! But, they aren't due until we receive our referral.

So that is the progress report. We are so grateful for what God has provided through so many people and we believe He will continue to provide the remaining $35,000!

This is a lot to pray for, and we cannot thank you enough for being a part of this with us!
Until next Monday...love, Kate, Steve & Dima.