"Birth Family"

What is a "birth family?" How do you explain to your 5 year old son about birth and life and adoption

in a way his little mind can understand? How do you answer the questions of:

“Whose belly was I born in?” 

“Why did I go to the baby home?” 

“How did I get here?”

 “Do all babies who are born in Russia go to baby homes?” 

“Why don’t you ever have a baby in your belly? Just some girls get big bellies filled with baby?” 

Answering Dima's questions isn't easy. It's a fragile dance of honesty, simplicity, and enough information to satisfy his inquisitive little mind. Sometimes his questions rock my world and stir emotions, but despite this I want to communicate confidence and pride in his story.

Because there is much to be proud of.

During this past week, the Olympics began and we stayed up late to watch the parade of nations. As they called out “Russia” and watched the beautiful athletes walk the track, we stood and cheered.

Because there is much to cheer about.

There are roots in this place. These roots will always be there. These roots are beautifully drawn on his face through his striking features, they are heard through his little accent and are even tasted through his unique tastebuds and love of all things pickle and mayonnaise. :) We don’t want to squelch or deny those reminders. So we respect and rejoice in these roots…

the roots that gave him life.

About a year ago, Steve and I wrote a letter to Dima’s birth family. If they ever came to the orphanage to look for him or wondered where he was, we wanted them to be able to have something to bring peace to their minds. So we wrote this letter...

Dear ______,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m sure you must be surprised to read this letter. It is very difficult to write. What do I say to the brave woman who gave birth and life to the little boy who I call son? Thank you does not seem like a big enough word. I hope in this letter I can tell you a little about Dima. And even more, I hope that after reading this letter, you will be relieved to know that Dima is being well taken care of and loved.

I will tell you a little about us first. My husband and I were married in 2002. After 8 years of trying to conceive, we realized that we would be unable to do so. We were devastated. We began to pray about what to do next. Should we give up? Should we adopt a child from the US? Should we adopt a child from a different country? All we knew is that we had so much love in our hearts that we wanted to give to a child. 

We starting looking in to Russia. We have many friends who are from Russia and also have had many friends who have adopted children from Russia. The children are beautiful and smart. And so we decided to adopt a child from Russia. In October of 2009, we were sent a picture of the most beautiful little boy we had ever seen: Dmitri. Though he seemed timid in the picture, we could see into his big brown beautiful eyes a very special boy. 

We came to Russia to meet him at the baby home. The baby home seemed very clean. He seemed to listen well to the caregivers. They described him as “calm, smart and quiet.” They said he was a good sleeper and a good eater. We spent 4 days with him, visiting him at the baby home and after those 4 days, we knew for sure that he was the boy who would be our son. We fell in love with him right away. And he seemed to fall in love with us too. Because of the way the process works, we had to come back to the US to wait for the judge to set a date in court. In February of 2010, we came back to Russia to bring Dima home. It was emotional as we said goodbye to the kind ladies who took care of him and as we said goodbye to his birthplace. He has been in our home for a little over a year.

You would be so proud of him. He is smart and funny. His laugh is filled with joy and he laughs a lot. He does love to eat. His favorite foods are bananas, apples and chicken. (He also likes candy and chocolate too!) He loves to figure things out. He is very curious and loves to know how things work. I wonder if one day he will have a job where he is working with his hands. 

He loves trucks and cars. He is very athletic. He is such a good climber and a fast runner. He also is by far the best 3 year old swimmer I’ve ever seen. He just loves life. He rarely cries or gets upset. He has lots of little friends his age that he sees often. His grandparents are absolutely in love with him. We visit with them often. He has cousins and aunts and uncles. We hope to one day adopt another child so that he can have a little brother or sister. He is so sweet and kind.

Every night before we go to sleep, we say a prayer. We pray for his friends that he left in his baby home and we pray for you. My husband and I think of you often. We know that as Dima gets older, he will have many questions, just as we do. Where did he get his big, beautiful brown eyes from? Where did he get his funny personality?  

We do hope to one day visit Russia with Dima when he gets older. Russia is very much a part of our lives, and always will be. We never want to forget it. We want it to be a place with positive memories and stories.

Thank you for choosing life and giving birth to the cutest, sweetest, smartest, funniest little boy that we have ever known. I hope this letter gives you a peace of mind to know that Dima is in the very safe hands of a man and woman who are now called daddy and mommy.

As I read back over this letter I am reminded of the great need to be praying for our little girl’s birth family. We believe she is probably already born and we can't help but wonder what her story is, even now.

Is she already in the baby home? 

Is she with her birth family? 

Have they already made the incredibly difficult decision to relinquish their rights of this little girl? 

Are they making those decisions now? 

I don’t know. I just want to pray that somehow both Dima’s birth family and our little girl’s will feel a deep peace that their birth child is being well taken care of, well loved, and in very safe hands. We pray for a peace that passes understanding that would allow them to continue on with their lives without feelings of fear or regret.

It is complicated. 

Birth Family. Infertility. Baby Home Caregivers. Adoptive family. Different countries. Different cultures. 

But it is also beautiful. Adoption is a beautiful picture reminding us that God brought us in to His family. He calls us His own. He brings us into His safe, loving arms of security and provision.

So, will you pray with us? Will you pray for this sweet little girl’s birth family? Will you pray for our little girl – that during these first few crucial months of her development that she would be specially loved and uniquely cared for? And please pray for all of our hearts – that God would begin preparing each of us for life in our new family.

UPDATES:

• We have one more document that will be finished tomorrow to complete our home study.
• Once the home study is completed we can begin working through our DOSSIER. 

FINANCIAL UPDATES:

• The Give1$ Campaign has totally taken off! Our good friend set up this online campaign. The desire is for everyone to give $1. You can check it out by clicking HERE and watch the status change regularly. We are so grateful!! 
• We are still seeing money pour in dollar by dollar through so many different venues. We are so grateful. If you are still interested in giving and getting a tax write off for your donation, please check out the “HOW TO HELP” page for more information
• This Sunday, August 5^th is our first big fundraiser. It is being put on by a  recent high school graduate from our youth ministry, her mom and another former graduate from our ministry. 

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• We pray for our little girl’s birth family. That they would feel a sense of peace in their hearts as they make (or if they've already made) this tough decision.
• Pray for wisdom for us to explain this to our son as he walks through this process with us. There will be many questions along the way that he asking on behalf of his “sister”, but these are questions for himself too.
• Pray for God to continue to stir in the hearts of people to give financially and pray. We can not do this on our own: financially, mentally, emotionally....thank you for lifting us up and praying for us when we come to mind.

Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve, & Dima. 

Stay in Your Lane

How do you respond when you're stuck in congested traffic on the highway?
Do you weave in and out hoping to just get your car a little closer to the front?
Or do you find satisfaction in slowly making progress?
Do you cope by developing theories as to why the traffic is so bad on a Saturday afternoon?
Do you pull off at the next exit, find an Arbys, drink a Jamoca Shake, hoping that once you are finished, the traffic will all be over?

I'll tell you what I do: honestly I'm a get-off-at-the-next-exit kind of girl. I hate being in traffic. I hate feeling stuck. I hate not knowing why the cars aren't moving. My tendency is to flee conflict, to run from stress, and to avoid pain. I just want to get away from it all until the traffic passes.

Steve listens to sports talk radio and one of the things his favorite show host often says is, "stay in your lane." Meaning, "stay where you are. Don't try to get ahead. Don't dangerously weave in and out. Don't pull off." Just stay in your lane. Stay focused on the goal, no matter how the lane seems to be going.

So there we were, it was last Tuesday morning. I spent most of the day working on paperwork and other tasks for our adoption (like having fireman come to our house to declare it "safe.") Dima loved this by the way. He told him "I want to be a fireman, just like you."

Then, as I began sorting through a giant stack of papers, I came across something completely new to me. Apparently we are required to maintain a certain level of income to proceed with our adoption. It's a dollar figure we don't even come close to meeting.

I called our agency and our rep confirmed this to be true, "Yes Kate, this is a problem. And yes, this could be a deal breaker." I won't go into all of the details, but basically we were told that unless we get it figured out, we would not be able to proceed with our adoption.

My mind went into a frenzy. My heart dropped into my stomach. Tears rolled down my face. I called Steve. "We're done. This isn't going to happen. We're done." (GET ME OFF THIS HIGHWAY!)

And he said, to me..."It is going to be ok. Let's just stay in our lane."
"But, how? Look what we have to come up with! Look what has to take place..."
"You're right. It's a lot. But, this is the first of many obstacles we are going to face...let's stay calm and see what we can do...see what God is going to do."

And truly, the day which started as a tear filled, frustrated, giving up kind of day, turned into a "wow and thank you God" kind of day.

That same afternoon, we received a Facebook message from the parents of one of our high school students involved in the ministry Steve leads. The message read, "We just wanted to bless you with what God has blessed us with." Included was a large donation. Wow! God is providing.

Then, same day. I received another Facebook message from a dear friend who decided she wanted to create an online fundraising campaign. She told us she wanted to raise $500 for our adoption. We of course were thankful but didn't expect what happened next. In less than 12 hours the $500 goal was met. So, she upped the goal to $1000. In less than 24 hours that goal was met too. So, now she has set the goal for $5000 in 96 more days. Wow! God is providing.

The very same day I received yet another Facebook message, this time it was an event invitation called the "Garcia Fundraising Event at Nectar" (a smoothie and juice bar in in our area). A couple  of our former students work there and got this ball rolling. Steve and I were shocked and surprised. We had no idea this event was even being planned. Wow! God is providing.

I truly felt as if God was speaking into my heart, "stay in your lane, oh fearful daughter of mine...do you think money is a big deal to ME? Do you think I can't provide what you need for this adoption? Don't you know I am a creative God who loves to use all kinds of ways to bless your life?"

So, here we are, a week later. And God continues to provide. He is calling us to stay in our lane, to keep our sights set on Him alone. He is calling us to focus not on the overwhelming and often paralyzing obstacles, but on HIM. ALONE.

One of the coolest things about the online fundraising campaign is that it asks people to simply give one dollar. It is not a campaign asking for a few people to give LOTS. Instead it asks LOTS of people to give little. And they are. We are so blessed.

I could write a novel of the stories behind the people that are quietly funding our adoption. But in brief, here is a quick glimpse of some of the people who are helping us...

• college students who don't know how they are going to pay for their books for the fall semester
• a couple who has been unemployed for 18 months, but just wanted to give 
• high school students who are giving their babysitting money
• others who have adopted from Russia in the past and those adopting from Russia right now
• missionaries who are raising money themselves for their own day to day living
• a dear girl who has just been told she has been diagnosed with cancer

Friends, friends of friends, total strangers, are all coming together for a greater good, one dollar at a time. It has been humbling, inspiring and amazing to just sit and watch what God can do through people.

This whole journey so far has led me to this truth: If you want to be blown away by God, step out and do something you know you could never do on your own.

We know we could never do this adoption on our own. We know it is something God called us to do...but WE have no idea how it is going to happen. God does. And as He continues to stir in the hearts of people to give in such creative ways, their response is our blessing.

Somewhere in Russia is a little girl who does not yet know that a little family of 3 is talking about her, praying for her, and doing all we can to bring her home as fast as possible.

So, thank you.
Thank you to those who have already given.
Thank you to those planning on giving.
Thank you for those who are praying for us regularly and encouraging us through words and messages.
There truly are no words to express our thanks.

So, here we go. We're staying in our lane.

UPDATES:

• We are 95% complete with our home study. 
• We have 2 more documents we are waiting on and then it will be FINISHED! 
• Once this is done, we can then start the REAL paperwork :)

FINANCIAL UPDATES:

• If you'd like to check out the Give$1 campaign, just click on this LINK
• Also, for all of you Akron local people, Nectar Smoothie and Juice Bar will be holding a big fundraising bash on Sunday, August 5th from 10am-8pm. Half of all profits on that day will go directly to our adoption. 
• There will be games, activities, face painting...all kinds of fun stuff! So bring your family and come on out!! For more information, check out this LINK. We will be there with Russian candies :) 

PRAYER REQUESTS:

• Pray for our little girl - that she would be loved uniquely by one person during these crucial developmental months of her life.
• Pray for a speedy completion of the very complicated pile of paperwork
• Pray that God would continue to stir in the hearts of people to give

Until next Monday...love, Kate, Steve & Dima.

Wondering...

We just returned home from a wonderful few days in North Carolina. I was born and raised there, and my family all lives there too. So, when we go to North Carolina, it is a fun, wild time of juggling visits with grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, & old friends as well as having adventures like trips to the beach, ice cream shops, swimming pools and playgrounds.

For the past 6 summers Steve has gone on overseas missions trips. The last 2 years since Dima has been home, I've been unable to go overseas with Steve, so Dima and I have gone to North Carolina while Steve was gone. This summer was different, we all served together on a mission trip to Chicago, then we all got to go to North Carolina. So, this was the first year that Steve has gotten to experience fireworks on the 4th of July with Dima, the first time he has been to the ocean with Dima (boogy boarding, shell collecting, and sand playing), the first Britts doughnut together, and the first double ferris wheel ride. It was such a great time.

Many moments through the vacation, we found ourselves just watching Dima enjoying life and wondering..."where would he be if our lives had not intersected?" I try not to allow my mind to write "what if" stories. Sometimes I have to be ok with not knowing. I don't know where Dima's life would be if God hadn't brought us together. I don't know where my life would be if God had not placed Dima into our family. But, it was interesting because many times over those few days in North Carolina, my parents and Steve's parents would both tear up and say, "don't you just wonder...?"

My mind often goes to that picture that was taken of him in the orphanage...sitting at a little table alone by the window awaiting lunch. I wonder if he would look out the window and ponder in his "figuring out" little brain if there was more to life than those 4 walls of the orphanage. I wonder if he would look out the window and see a car passing by...would his curious little mind try and figure out what it was doing and where it was going and why he never got to ride in cars? I don't know.

But, what I do know is that on the first week of July in 2012, Dima, our adventurous, hilarious, creative son was soaking up every moment of life. For those who know him, you know that he is truly a lover of life. Everything excites him - gifts, yummy food, new experiences, risky adventures, riding scooters, time with family, play dates with friends. He really just loves it all.

And sometimes I just wonder about this sweet little girl that, Lord willing, will some day join our family too. Is she born yet? Where is she? What is she doing? Is she looking out a window? What is her personality? Will she be adventurous like her big brother or will she be more timid? Is she wondering?...

Mondays are Steve's day off and today we spent the entire morning and afternoon filling out paperwork for our adoption. We completed forms, got our fingerprints done, got documents notarized, made doctor appointments, even lined up a fire inspection. As Steve and I were knee deep in all of this, Dima was writing furiously on a piece of paper.

"Dima, what are you doing?"
"I am working on our paper work to bring my sister home."
"What does it say?"
"It says, we're adoppin' a little sister. She needs to get home quick!"

Yes she does, sweet boy. Yes she does.
May God answer the simple cry of a child - "Lord, bring her home quick!"

Updates:

• Many of you are asking, "what is our timeline?" Our hope is to be finished with all of the paperwork by the end of July. Once our completed home study gets sent to the US government and we will be "officially" accepted to move forward with our adoption. So, it seems like we have about 2 more months or so of paperwork and then the waiting begins :) 
• Also, many people have been approaching us with some great fundraising ideas. We are thankful for each and every one. And I will be sure to update the blog when fundraising opportunities come about. So exciting!

Prayer Requests:

• For our little girl: that she would be loved and cared for uniquely and specially by someone. That her little heart would already begin to be prepared for us
• For all of the details: I am quickly learning that keeping things organized and on track this time around is much more difficult with a 5 year old in tow (the positive side is that in just this week, he will get to have a fireman in his house and visit a police station :))
• For the finances: That God would stir in the hearts of people to give and that people would respond to the stirring. The financial mountain is a huge one and we absolutely cannot do this without the support of others!

Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve & Dima.

Our First Donation: Beauty from Ashes

Well, hello Mondays on the blog. Good to see you again. It's been a while. :)

Thanks for checking in and following along in our journey towards adopting a little girl from Russia. We are emotion filled: excited, nervous, anticipating, overwhelmed, and did I say nervous? One of the things I am nervous about seems silly and Steve kind of mentioned it in our most recent video: the fear of whether or not God will provide.

For our first adoption, we came in having no idea what to expect and God totally blew us away. This second time around, we do have some expectations since we have done it before. It seems like the second time around should be easier, since we "know the ropes" a little more. But in actuality, we are more afraid. We DO know what to expect. We DO know the paperwork we are getting into. We DO know the travel that lies ahead, the waiting that stands before us, the uncertainty that can easily swallow our hearts and minds, and the financial mountain that plops itself right in front of us.

So there is this war that continues to battle inside of me. One part of my heart says, "God has done it once, He won't do it again. He's blessed you guys once and stirred in the hearts of people to give already...He's given you your portion, You don't get another."

And then the other part of my heart says, "He's done it once, why don't you believe He will do it again? He may not do it in the same way, but why don't you believe that He will overwhelm you again? Why don't you believe that He will provide for you again and bring the perfect child for your family again?"

"Do you not know, have you not heard? Our God is an an everlasting God, the creator of the ENDS of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom." (Isaiah 40:28).

So, who will I choose to believe: the fleshly part of me that feels that God has a ration of blessing to give? Or His Word, who speaks about the Creator of the Universe, the one who loves to lavish and pour out His blessings on His children again...and again...?

January 2010, Steve received this Facebook message:
Hey Steve, I know you dont know me but I attended Cornerstone when you were interning there and I heard you speak at a few of our events afterwards. I just happened to stumble upon your facebook and I began thinking back on some of the things I remembered you speaking on and I realized that you really did make a big impact on who I was and who I have become. I just wanted to say thank you, you are a man of God and at least to me you have done a fantastic job of serving him. I also happened to check out your blog about your adoption thing. I dont use a credit card but if you send me your address I can mail you a check. I dont have much money but reading the story stirred something up in me that wants to help.

The same day, Steve wrote him back:
Of course I remember you. How are you doing? Still at Cornerstone?

I really appreciate your willingness to give towards our adoption. My wife and I have been blown away by the generosity of people. We truly could not have done this on our own.

Thanks! 
-Steve

A few days later, we  learned the tragic news that this boy committed suicide the very day after this Facebook message was sent. The interaction he had with Steve was one of the last recorded conversations this boy had. Our hearts were broken for him, for his family, and for his friends. Ashes.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years...

On a warm summer day in the middle of June 2012, after about a year of praying, Steve and I finally made the decision to move forward with our second adoption. We spoke with our parents and no one else. The day after we officially signed on with our adoption agency, Steve went to the mailbox and opened an envelope with an unfamiliar return address.

He read it, handed it to me and we sat in silence. In the envelope was a letter from the mother of this boy who took his life. She wrote about her son's death 2 years ago and how she and her family had been grieving over the past 2 years but have slowly been able to rise out of the ashes of grief. She remembered that one of the last things her son had told her was about our adoption (our first adoption with Dima) and how he had felt stirred to give money. But, he never had the chance to.

So she said she wanted to honor her son's wishes from 2 years ago. She said that she knew we had already brought our son home, but maybe this money could go towards a nice vacation or something for our family. She just wanted to honor her son's wishes. Little did she know, she was sending us our very first financial donation towards our second adoption. Beauty from Ashes.

"Beauty from ashes" seems to be the theme of this adoption. It is what God continues to bring to mind as I think and pray about our little girl who will soon join our family. She will come to us with ashes from a story that started with loss. But the God I serve is one who thrives on making beautiful things out of dust. And though there are so many fears and questions I have as to how God is going to provide again for this adoption, I have to believe that He is a God who is making all things new.

And so we pray that God continues to give us amazing stories like this one - of people who are compelled to give and pray and support, maybe even out of their own brokenness. And that God would take that offering and turn it into something beautiful.

Updates:

• We have officially signed on with an adoption agency (we are not allowed to disclose the name of it on a public blog)
• Our social worker came out to our house and we are continuing to work on paperwork to complete our home study.
• We still have adoption training, mounds of paperwork and fingerprinting before we complete our dossier (our massive file of paperwork that we will send to Russia)
• We think it will take about 2 months or so to complete everything before we can finish our dossier

Prayer Requests:

• For our little girl (who may already be born) that there would be someone special who is loving her in a unique way during these formative months
• For diligence with paperwork and organization
• For God to stir in the hearts of people to give financially as we continue to move forward

Until next Monday, love Kate, Steve, & Dima.